Pants!

So I finally broke down and headed over to Lane Bryant to buy some new pants.

Let's start with the Lane Bryant part. Why is it that as a borderline-plus-size girl, I always feel that shopping at Lane Bryant is like admitting defeat? It's just a store. A store where I fit into the SMALLEST size. So you'd think that I would be thrilled to shop there. Not so much. I have always felt that shopping at Lane Bryant was like admitting that I'm fat. There. I said it. I am in fat denial. Somehow in my mind it make sense to me that if I just don't go shopping at all, then I'm not fat. I suppose I equate not fitting into clothes with being fat. So if I don't try on clothes that are too small on me, I'm not fat. Makes sense, right?

Not when you have been wearing the same pair of black pants for 3 years. And they are falling apart. Torn hems, elastic poking out of the thighs, just an overall hot mess of nasty black work pants.

Not when you have 1 pair of jeans that fit you right, and they are hand-me-downs from a friend, in a style and shade that was hip 5 years ago when she bought them.

It was time.

So I sucked it up and went to Lane Bryant. I went on a tip from a friend who is a similiar size to me. I noticed the other night that her jeans were really cute, and I complimented her on them. She said she got them at LB --- the store totally changed their way of sizing, so you can't even tell what size you are. I was extremely intrigued by this, which gave me the courage to go in the first place.

I walked in the store and made a B-line for the pants section. I quickly noticed that everything was labeled from a size 1 to 10. This totally threw me off. Luckily, it was not busy at all (thank the economy?) and I was able to grab a salesperson, who instructed me to follow her. She whipped out a tape measure and measured my hips and waist. She then led me over to the pants and pulled out a size 2.

A SIZE 2!!!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I've never, ever, ever, ever worn a size 2. Even when I was a pre-teen, I think I jumped from a size 6x to a 13 juniors overnight. I never even got to shop at 5-7-9 (that awful store -- it tortured me so!!!) I know, I know, it's a size 2 at a plus size store. But I'm a size 2 somewhere. And I know numbers shouldn't mean anything, and I know it's what's on the inside that counts, but for one brief moment I felt NORMAL. I felt GOOD. I felt RIGHT.

I must've spent an hour in the store just trying on all the different styles of jeans and pants. The salespeople were SO wonderful (this is the LB at 1807 W. Fullerton in Chicago) and they gave me really great advice on which styles looked best on me. I walked out of there with a new pair of beautiful dark-wash trouser jeans and a pair of black wide-leg pants. They were both in the new "Right Fit" style of pant, of which there are 3 tailored fits -- Yellow, Red and Blue. Blue is for ladies with wide hips, Yellow is for ladies that are pretty straight up and down, and Red is when you have some hips. I got the jeans in the Red 2 (which are being hemmed right now at the cleaners down the street) and the pants in Red 2P (short length, and they actually aren't that short -- I am 5' 3" and I can wear them with a 2-inch heel and they only leave the ground by about 1/2 inch.) I was able to order more of the pants through the store to be shipped to my house for free because they didn't have them in the store (pants in grey and navy.) I loved the jeans so much when I got home that I jumped online and bought another pair, and was excited to see that they are offering free shipping through tomorrow (Nov. 19).

So the moral of the story is that it doesn't matter what the name is on the outside of the store. If you can go in there and find some cute clothes that make you look really great and give you that inner confidence, then who gives a shit what store you're in? I need to let go of hang-ups like this. I have always had a weight problem and I will struggle with it for my entire life. I may not always be too big for the regular stores, but I'm sure there will always be times in my life when I will need to go back to stores like Lane Bryant. I need to appreciate that I live in a country and time where there ARE places to shop when you're larger than a size 12. I am very fortunate to have so many options, and I'm going to take that option. And enjoy it.